


Fear of Drowning

by Alwaysrunning15



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alwaysrunning15/pseuds/Alwaysrunning15
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya have always gotten into fights. When a gang manages to capture a weakened Izaya however, everything changes. Will Shizuo, Shinra, and Celty help Izaya? Or will they just leave him to suffer after all the wrong he has done?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, the characters eventually end up out of character. I justify that happening, but if you want a story where Shizuo and Izaya only fight, you won't like this story.
> 
> This may be triggering if you have PTSD dealing with drowning.

I was walking through Ikebukuro with Tom when I smelled it. A stench that was worse than dirty dog, week old body odor, and rotten food all mixed together. A smell that reeked this bad could only be one thing…. Izaya.

“Tom, I have to go do something.” With a knowing nod, he excused me.

I rounded two corners, and then there he was, skipping down the sidewalk. And, god, just his enjoying himself pissed me off. 

I lifted a vending machine and prepared to throw it, announcing myself with a yell, “Izayaaaaaa!”. As soon as the words left my mouth, I paused, noticing a group with green on heading in his direction. Izaya had noticed them too and was running to the right, through an alley. I don’t care who these guys are, they are not getting in the way of our fight.

I dropped the vending machine like a sack of potatoes and bolted off, following the group through alleys and across streets. When Izaya finally stopped I noticed we had lost the gang. Good, now we could fight. I ripped the nearest object out of the ground, which happened to be a light post. Izaya turned around, smiling with his switchblade in hand. When I swung the light post at his chest, however, he managed to jump over it.

As he was in the air, he twisted around, landed, and then took off. For a second, I stood in awe of his maneuvering abilities. I snapped out of it when I realized he was running back toward town. A trash can could easily fix that. If I threw to Izaya’s left, I could get him to turn away from town and the people who could get injured. But, Izaya didn’t dash down another alley like I had expected. Instead, he hopped the gate blocking the entrance to a pool.

Once I bent the bars of the entrance gate enough for me to fit through, I stepped into darkness. As I neared the opposite end of the corridor where sunlight was shining through, one of Izaya’s switchblades whizzed by, cutting my cheek. Once I emerged from the other end into the pool area, the fight continued as it normally would with me throwing chairs and Izaya cutting me. That is, until the gang in green showed up again. They started attacking both of us, and in that moment I was forced to team up with Izaya. As soon as we get rid of these guys though, I was going to kill him.

During the course of the fight Izaya kept trying to get me closer to the pool, but I wasn’t going to fall for it. I knew that he would probably knock me in the first chance he got. After what felt like only a minute, we had managed to take out all of them except three. I was getting ready to throw the guy I currently had through the air, when I heard a loud bang followed by scraping. I looked to my right and saw a van coming through the crumbling wall. It didn’t stop there though, it kept coming. My brain couldn’t process what was happening. My body wouldn’t move. Izaya’s voice sounded muffled in my ears.

“Shizuo!” What took me most by surprise in this whole situation wasn’t the van speeding toward me, or the fact that the gang had found us, but the panic in Izaya’s voice. A split second later, the van made impact with my body. I was knocked left, into Izaya, and we both tumbled into the deep end of the pool.

I felt him grab onto my arms, but when we hit the water, the force pried his hands off. When I came up coughing and trying to suck air back into my lungs, the three goons were jumping into the back of the van. It took me a minute to snap out of my trance. When I did, the van was speeding out of the hole they had created and Izaya was splashing around. 

“What’s wrong with you?” I called, already making my way to the ladder.

“I can’t… swim!” he looked like he was hyperventilating before going under again, but I know he is a good actor. I just stood on the edge of the pool and watched. When he didn’t resurface after almost a minute, however, I actually started to believe it. As much as I want him to die, I want to be the one to kill him, not water.

Before I realized what I was doing, I jumped back in. It only took about five seconds to reach Izaya. When I did, he got me in a death grip from panic. I had to pry him off in order to wrap my arm across his back and under his arms so I could get us to the surface. Once I pulled Izaya up he started coughing. As we headed toward the ladder, he got his breathing under control but started shaking. I let him go when we got to the ladder, but instead of grabbing onto it, he just sank. I had to yank him back up by his shirt.

“Idiot! Grab onto the ladder!” He looked at me for a few seconds with a blank stare, then his hands shakily found the rungs. Instead of climbing up, he just hung there.

“What are you doing?” Izaya gave no answer, so I hauled him up after I was out and tossed him onto the hard, concrete ground around the pool. After a minute or so, he slowly pulled his knees up to his chest and started shivering on top of his shaking.

“Can you be a doll and get me a towel, Shizu-Chan?”

“I’m not your mother.”

“Fine.” He tried to stand only to fall back down. Then he tried it again, taking his time. He managed to stand up, but his steps were unsteady and he stumbled multiple times before falling down again. I slowly walked by him and got a towel out of the towel rack, walked back and dropped it on his head.

“I thought you weren’t going to get me a towel?”

“You were being pathetic.”

“Then why don’t you kill me? You’ve been trying to for years.”

“It’s not the same if I kill you when you aren’t able to fight.” Silence filled the air as Izaya stood up again, but didn’t attempt to walk. “Why are you like this right now anyway?”

“I must have hit my head or something.”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and let me know what you think :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is short. I promise there are longer chapters to come :)

After the strange ordeal, I booked it straight to Shinra and retold the events to him and Celty.

“You just left him there?” Celty’s phone was shoved in my face.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“You do realize that he has to walk a far way to get home, right?” Shinra asked.

“Yeah.”

“He can’t fight in that condition, Shizuo.”

“I know.” Celty was typing away on her phone. Looks like she is angry with me. Oh well, Izaya is a piece of crap. He deserves to suffer. She showed Shinra what was on her screen before throwing her helmet on and running out the door. How does a headless dullahan wear a helmet, anyway?

“There are several gangs that are targeting him lately. I’m not sure what he did, but it was bad and they must have found out about it. Since he can’t fight well if he can barely walk, they could kill him.” Shinra was looking at me like I was stupid.

“I’m aware of that, Shinra. He deserves what’s coming to him.”

“If they kill him, you won’t get too.”

“Shit!” I yelled and ran outside after Celty. I caught up to her as she was starting her motorcycle. “Wait!!”

I jumped onto the back of the motorcycle and we sped off toward the pool. Once there, we checked inside just to be sure but there was no Izaya in sight. I came back out, shaking my head at Celty, “He wasn’t in there.”

Celty started typing on her phone and turned it toward me, “I’ll drive through the back alleys and look for him. If he started home in his condition, he would want to avoid the gangs.” 

I nodded in agreement and jumped back on her bike, only to almost fall back off when she floored it. Either she is even angrier with me, the gangs are more serious than I thought, or both. Yeah, probably a little bit of both. After driving for a bit, we were cut off by a large group wearing green clothing. Celty went charging in on the motorcycle, only to see them throwing Izaya in the back of a van. Before we could pursue them, people blocked our way and Celty was forced to come to a screeching stop. Other members started hopping on motorcycles of their own, ready to intercept us if we broke through.

Celty turned back and zipped down a different alley in order to get to the road. Once we were out on the road, she spotted the van and followed it west. The gang cut out of an alley ahead of us though and kept us from catching up until the van was well out of sight. Celty turned back in the direction of Shinra’s apartment, defeated.

When we walked into their apartment, Shinra hopped up from the couch with bright, hopeful eyes. He saw there was no Izaya with us and the look faded from his face and he sank back down onto the couch.

“Is there any chance you dropped him off at his apartment?” But the look on his face already showed that he knew the answer. I just stood there worried about his look of concern while Celty typed out a long message that I assumed told what happened in detail. The only words I could form were, “They took him.”


	3. Chapter 3

Days passed and there had been no leads yet. None of us were informants after all. I stopped by Shinra’s every day. Neither he nor Celty had been able to find anything. There was really no reason for me to check in every day; Shinra said he would call if they found anything out. But dammit, it was my fault Izaya got taken and I would get him back so I can kill him myself.

….

Today as I walked into their apartment I could tell instantly that there was no new news. “Have you talked to his assistant Namie? She might have heard something.” I suggested.

“I called her a few days ago. She said she would call me if the gang that took him contacted her.”

“So there’s nothing any of us can really do right now?”

“Just keep your eyes and ears peeled. I’ve got Celty doing patrols around the city watching for suspicious behavior, I check my e-mail every little bit, I have my phone on me at all times, and you can keep an eye out while you help Tom.”

. . . . 

My day went about as usual, only ten times more stressful because of no word about Izaya. He would be okay, right? I mean, he was acting off after the fight with the gang, but he would have recovered. I hate to admit it, but Izaya is smart and can work his way out of any situation. At least, he always has in the past. So, why would this be any different?

Tom had dragged me to the fifth scumbag’s house for the day. He was lying about why he didn’t have the money; they always do. I was in the middle of persuading him when my phone started ringing. I had to finish this quickly, so I just went with a punch straight to the guy’s face. 

“Give the money to Tom or you’ll get worse than a punch.” I gave him a look to show I meant business, and then looked to Tom, “I have to take this phone call.”

I stepped outside and looked at the caller ID. Shinra’s name and face were on the screen like I had hoped. Swallowing, I flipped it open.

“Hello.” There was an awkward pause as Shinra took a breath.

“Yeah… Shizuo…Um, well…” Shinra stuttered out on the other end.

“Shinra, spit it out.”

“Well, as you know, a gang whose color marker is green took Izaya. They belong to a gang called Envy.” The anxiety in his voice increased toward the end.

“Yeah, did you find them?”

“No. They did contact Namie though. They said they had Izaya… They don’t want money… they want to fight you. The want to defeat the beast of Ikebukuro so no one will mess with them and stay out of their way.”

“Fighting them is not a problem, but I can’t fight them unless I know where they are.”

“Well, we’ll send word back through Namie if you agree. It’s not that simple though.”

“Yeah, well it never is, is it?”

“Yeah, anyway…the gang has well over 100 members. They all want to fight you, at once. If you bring anyone else or get back up they will kill Izaya.”

“Shinra, I can handle this.”

“Listen, I know you are strong. It’s just, there will be a lot of people to fight and they will all be coming at you at once. You need to fight your way to Izaya, get him out of whatever they are using to hold him, and let him help you.”

“Yeah, like Izaya would help me.”

“I know you both hate each other, but neither of you are that stupid. You both will have a common enemy, just like at the pool.”

“…”

“Shizuo, promise me you’ll get Izaya and get out of there. Don’t fight more than you have to.”

“… Fine, I promise. Just call Namie and find out where they have him.”

“I will. Can you come to my place after work?”

“Yeah.” I closed my phone and just stared at it for a moment. I would go in, get Izaya, and get out. The problem was that he may make it easier to get out, or he may throw me under the bus. How have they been able to hold him this long, anyway? I mean, they couldn’t kill him, right? I’ve been trying for years. No, it’s impossible for some mere gang members to kill him. But, before I even realized what I was doing, I had flipped my phone back open and called Shinra back.

“Shizuo?”

“Make sure he’s alive!”

“I will. They will keep him alive so they can fight you though, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried…Just make sure or there is no reason for me to go fight them.”

“This gang doesn’t go back on their deals. They aren’t nice people, but they keep their word.”

“Okay, I’ll let you call Namie. I’ll be there as soon as I’m finished today.” I flipped the phone closed. Of course Izaya was alive. It’s hard to kill a flea after all.


	4. Chapter 4

I only had one more job to take care of after the scumbag that I had punched in the face. That’s the most people I’ve had to deal with in just one day in about two years. It was getting dark as I walked toward Shinra’s house. At least the last scumbag had only lived a little over two blocks away from him. When I reached the bottom of the stairs that led to his apartment, a thought made me pause. Why do I want to rescue Izaya? What has he ever done for me? But then I shook the thoughts out of my head. No one deserved to be kidnapped and held, not even the flea. And it was my fault that he was in this situation. With my recovered conviction, I stormed up the stairs and through Shinra’s door.

“All right, where are those bastards keeping Izaya?”

“Shizuo, at least sit down first.” These words caused me to pause for a second and notice a certain someone sitting in the chair across from Shinra.

“What the hell is she doing here?”

“I have a name. It is Namie. I don’t get paid unless I have a boss, so I’m going to help you.”

“I have to go in alone or they will kill Izaya.”

“Okay, Shizuo, just sit down and I will explain the plan.” Shinra urged, doing hand motions that he must have thought were calming. I obeyed and took a seat, looking up at him expectantly.

“Ahem, now, you will go in alone. I am going to set up a back-up team, but we will wait a block away.”

“But…”

“Shizuo, just listen. I’ll explain it. We won’t get him killed. We will wait a block away. You will have an earpiece. We can talk to you if you get in a tight situation. If we hear signs that you are not going to make it out with Izaya, we will head in. However, we cannot storm in before you free Izaya. I’m afraid you are on your own until then.”

“I told you that I could do this on my own. We don’t need to put anyone else in danger.”

“We will not put anyone else in danger unless you are too beat up to take Izaya and get out. Izaya may also be baggage instead of an asset. We don’t know what they have done to him.”

“What do you think they’ve done?”

“Hopefully they’ve done nothing, but that’s unlikely since they seem to have a bone to pick with him.”

Then Namie pulled out the ear device. She may not show that she cares about her boss’s well-being but it was evident in her cutting off the topic that she didn’t want to hear of the possibility of him being hurt.

“I can turn it on for you before you go.” Namie said, putting the earpiece back in its case.

“Thank you.”

“Okay, they have Izaya in a warehouse on the outskirts of Shinjuku. We will drive by it before you go in.” Shinra explained.

“Anything else I need to know? When do I have to do this?”

“They want you to be there at eight tomorrow night. So be there by seven.”

“Okay, I’ll call Tom and ask for tomorrow off.”

“I’ll let you go home and rest. Try to get some sleep.”

“I will. See you tomorrow.”

. . . . 

I was about half way home when I remembered that I needed to call Tom. I just hope he is still awake since it’s pretty late. I pulled out my phone and called him, hoping he would answer. He didn’t pick up the first time, but my phone rang after a few minutes. I feel bad about asking off, but I need to be 100% ready tomorrow night. I dug my phone back out of the pocket and flipped it open.

“Hello.” I stopped and leaned against a building. I started to watch all the people walking by. I can see how Izaya finds this interesting.

“Hey. Sorry I didn’t answer a minute ago, I was in the shower.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s my fault for calling so late.”

“No, it’s fine. What did you want?”

“I know this is really late notice, but can I have tomorrow off?”

“Yeah, I think the amount of people we took care of today is enough to count for two days.”

“Yeah.” I let out a nervous chuckle.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, something just came up that I have to take care of tomorrow.”

“You need help?”

“No, that’s fine. Just helping out a … friend.” I heard him laugh on the other end and briefly wondered if he had somehow figured it out, but there was no way he would know. It must just be me being paranoid.

“If you need help with anything, call me. I’m happy to help out a friend too.”

“Okay, I will Tom. Thank you.”

“No problem, bye.” I flipped my phone shut and shoved it back in my pocket. Instead of continuing on my way however, I stayed leaning against the rough brick wall. Maybe I’ll try this people watching thing more often.

Of all the people who are passing me, a few stand out. A mother walks by with her daughter. The daughter is smiling, practically glowing in the dark. She looks as if she is lost in a story. The mother looks happy, but has a little concern written in the lines of her face. I imagine that the daughter has probably fallen head over heels for somebody and is telling her mom about them. Being a mother, of course she is happy that her daughter is happy. The concern could be that it could end up not working out. Her daughter could end up getting her heart broken.

People watching is fun. After all, you can create stories behind the way they look in a few passing seconds. Wait…. When did I become a romantic? And since when did I start enjoying something that Izaya enjoys? People watching is creepy; an invasion of privacy! I don’t have anything in common with that filthy flea! I need to get home and rest.


	5. Chapter 5

It was not a restful night. I would have rather stormed the place last night and gotten Izaya out. All I could think about was if he was being tortured. He was a horrible human being, but still a human; even if he liked to think he wasn’t. Even someone like the flea didn’t deserve torture, did he?

I looked over at the clock. It was only 1:47 p.m. I’m going to go crazy by seven if I can’t stop thinking about how Izaya could be being tortured at this very moment. I picked up a magazine and flipped to a random page. The article was some nonsense about how gang violence had decreased. Maybe a little, but it sure didn’t seem that way right now. I read the rest of the article, but didn’t even remember half of it. I ripped the pointless thing in half and threw it back on the table.

I sat there in silence for a few minutes. Why don’t I have a television? That would be very useful right about now. I mean sure, something stupid would come on and I would end up breaking it. That would be a waste of money, but it sure would be worth it right now. I looked back at the clock, 2:03 p.m. Great, sixteen whole minutes had passed. Might as well go to Russian Sushi since I have over four hours left until I need to start heading to Shinra’s house.

. . . . 

I walked into Shinra’s apartment to see more unexpected people. I mean, yeah, by now I expected Shinra, Celty, and Namie. What I didn’t expect was Kadota, Saburo, Erika, and Walker.

“Shinra, what the hell are they doing here? We don’t need to drag more people into this.”

“I contacted Saburo about letting us use his van.”

“Hell no! If you want my van, you have to take me and I have to drive.” Saburo piped up from the couch.

“…And that’s basically what happened.” Shinra said, a little defeated because he wanted to tell the story.

“If one of us is doing something dangerous, the rest of us come too.” Kadota chimed to vouch for the others.

“Whatever, it’s fine. I won’t need backup anyway.”

“We should go ahead and go.”

Erika and Walker practically bounced down the steps. Those little weirdos would probably enjoy this. Kadota and Saburo followed behind like parents. When we got to the van on the street, Walker slid the anime door open. I just stood there and shook my head. It was kind of my fault they had to replace the door, but they still didn’t have to use an anime door as the replacement.

Saburo hopped in the driver’s seat and Kadota took shotgun. Erika, Walker, and Shinra piled in on the first bench seat. I let Namie get in first, and then I sat in the back next to her and a box she had. Shinra began giving out directions as we pulled away from the curb.

“I’m going to hook your earpiece up.” Namie said as she flipped the box open. She connected some cords to one big thing, and then reached toward my ear with a tiny skin toned piece. I immediately pulled back. “Relax, it’s just the earpiece. We have to test it out before we get there.” Then she grabbed my head with her other hand. Like that would have stopped me if I wanted to pull away. While she was fiddling around with the piece and the box, we turned into a shady looking neighborhood.

“My poor Celty has to ride into this herself?!” Shinra suddenly yelled, making most of the van’s inhabitants jump.

“Shinra, she is strong. She will be fine.” Kadota reassured from the passenger seat.

“But she is entering from a different way. She doesn’t have us as backup!”

“She does jobs that involve driving through shady neighborhoods every day.”

“…” Shinra shrank into the seat in front of me. I was unable to tell how he felt because all I saw was the back of his head.

It wasn’t a large neighborhood though, so we soon pulled into the start of the warehouses. I have to admit; I am a little nervous. Not because of myself being in danger, but because I had gotten Izaya into this mess and I don’t know if I will be able to get him out unharmed. As we drove deeper into the sea of warehouses, it got darker and darker. The abandoned ones didn’t have the streetlights on. Saburo pulled between two of them and parked. Everyone sat in silence for a minute until Shinra cleared his throat.

“We are early, so let’s just wait for Celty to show up.” His words didn’t break anyone’s silence though. Instead, they just drew everyone’s eyes to him. He continued nevertheless, “Shizuo, you will have to walk to the warehouse from here so they think you are alone. It’s the one on the main end of this row.”

“Okay.”

“Namie, is the earpiece ready to go?”

“Yeah, I just need to test it. Shizuo, say something.”

“I’m ready to go get Izaya.” My words came from the speaker in her box. Almost at the exact same time, Celty pulled up on her motorcycle.

“Yeah, he’s good to go.”

“Shizuo, I would wait about five minutes and then head toward the warehouse. Good luck. Remember, we will be listening and ready to back you up. We can’t until you get Izaya though. We can’t risk them killing him.” Shinra said as Walker and Erika started talking quietly to themselves about anime fighting moves they could finally use. There is no way I can let them have to come back me up, it is way too dangerous. I already got Izaya into this mess and I can’t drag everyone else into it too.

“Got it.”


	6. Chapter 6

I climbed out of the van and started walking toward the warehouse where Izaya was being held. I wanted to look back at them, but I know that I shouldn’t look to them for support. I had to do this alone. There was no reason to get anyone else dragged into this. After all, I had gotten Izaya captured. Even though he was an asshole flea, he didn’t deserve this. I just fight him when I see him; there’s a difference. That difference is that we are on equal ground. This situation is completely weighted and one sided. It’s untelling what they’ve done to him. So, this is what kept me walking through this dark street with only the moonlight and a little light from other buildings to guide me.

It didn’t take long for me to reach the front door of the warehouse. From inside I could hear a crowd of voices talking. I hadn’t thought this through really. Could I just walk through the front door? Should I look for a back door? Then what will I fight with once inside? I can’t use my usual stop signs or lamp poles. The closest thing would be a support column, but that would be bad for all of us.

After a minute of standing there staring at the door, I decided I might as well just walk in the front. This was going to be bad no matter which entrance I used and I didn’t have time to bust down a locked door. That would also give them a heads up. I reached forward, twisted the knob, and pushed the door open. I stepped in to see every face in the building turn to look at me. I surveyed the scene and saw a large tank full of water on the left side of the warehouse. A chain was hanging above it that went all the way up to the ceiling. The other end was wrapped around Izaya’s wrists.

The rage must have come out of nowhere because the next thing I knew, the metal door wasn’t attached to the wall anymore. I had ripped it off and started swinging. The rage took over my mind and I set on a straight, fixed path toward Izaya. As I got closer, I saw that he had a chain around his ankles that was attached to the bottom of the tank. The water was just below his nose.

Gang members were closing in behind me, but all I wanted in that moment was to get Izaya out. I swung the door into the tank, causing it to shatter and send water and glass pouring out all over the floor. The swing didn’t stop there though, I just went on around and took out the members closing in behind me. I kept swinging until I had dwindled their numbers to where they no longer felt strong enough to fight me. Most of them fled out of the side doors that were on both sides of the building. Some stayed and tried to fight, but my door quickly took care of them.

It didn’t matter. All that mattered in that moment was that I got Izaya out of here. He had been off the other day after he had been in the water, and these bastards had held him in a tank of water. I swung the door and hit the chain between his feet and the floor of what remained of the tank. Then, I hit the chain holding him up. As soon as the door broke the chain, I let it go. It went flying through the air as Izaya fell.

I wrapped my arms around him to keep him from hitting the ground. His hands and the chain hit my head and blood clouded my vision. I didn’t feel the pain though. I guess the adrenaline was blocking it out. I sat Izaya down so I could get a good grip to carry him. The first thing I noticed was how much he was shaking. I looked at his eyes and they were staring beyond me.

“Oui, Izaya, are you okay?” His eyes were still staring past me though. He made no sign that he had heard me speak. The next thing I know is a loud bang that seemed to bounce off the walls and assault my ears.

“Shit!” Pain shot through my right thigh. I stumbled, but regained my footing and started to run. Each impact my right foot had with the ground sent another ripple of pain through my leg, but I had to keep going if I didn’t want more pain. More shots rang out as I kicked down a side door with my left leg and barreled through it.

“Guys! Van, now!” I ran out and to the left toward the road, looking around for the van to show up. Then I saw it speeding out of where it had been parked and come flying down the road toward me. It came to a screeching stop a few feet down from where I was. As I got closer, the door was thrown open and I jumped in as another gunshot went off. A bullet went flying through the van. I shielded Izaya as best as I could while being thrown off balance by Saburo flooring it.

“Anyone hit?” Kadota called from the front seat. A chorus of no came from the others. 

“It looks like it went through the new door.” Erika piped up.

“Of course!” Saburo yelled, flinging his hands up off of the steering wheel for a moment.

After a minute or two of silence, Shinra turned around to face me. “What happened in there?”

“I took them out with a door. When their numbers got lower, they ran.”

“And the gunshots?”

“One stayed and decided he would have one last hurrah.”

“How is Izaya?” 

“I talked to him for a bit in the warehouse. He didn’t seem to hear me. He’s also shaking pretty bad.” At this, Erika started whispering to Walker. I couldn’t distinguish their words. There was no telling with them, though.

“Here, let me look at him.” I unwrapped myself from the position I had jumped into and sat up to allow Shinra by me. As he got close to Izaya, a terrified look crossed his face and he flailed across the narrow strip of floor between the seats and the wall to the back of the van.

“Izaya, calm down. It’s me Shinra, we went to school together, remember? You are safe now.” Shinra kept slowly getting closer to Izaya and he started screaming. Never in my life have I heard him scream or had I been more surprised. Shinra immediately pulled back.

“Shizuo, he seems to be okay with you being near him, but not me. I’m going to need you to sit with him and do what I tell you to do.”

“Um, okay.” I moved toward Izaya slowly, but he made no move to get away.

“See if he will sit on the back seat.” Shinra began barking orders.

“Izaya, will you sit on this seat here for me?” He stared at me a minute, looked at Namie sitting on the seat, and looked back at me shaking his head no.

“Ask him why.” Shinra ordered. I didn’t really understand why we had to do this now, but Shinra is the doctor.

“Why don’t you want to sit on the seat?” He didn’t say anything, just looked at Namie.

“Ask him if you are the only one that Izaya wants around him right now.” I looked at Shinra for a minute, and then reluctantly turned back to Izaya.

“Am I the only one you are okay with being near you?” He nodded in response.

“Why?” I ask, not caring if Shinra wanted to ask something else. I was curious. I had never seen Izaya like this.

“Because you are like me.” If it hadn’t been a serious moment, everyone in the van would have laughed. I just stared at him.

“Does anyone have a coat? Izaya is shaking.” I decided to change the subject. Kadota and walker both pulled theirs off and passed them back. I took them and covered Izaya in them. He made it easier by pulling his knees to his chest. I put one jacket around his shoulders and the other covered his legs. He looked like a scared, wet child in the tight corner of the van. 

“Your leg is bleeding.” He mumbled. While I was observing him, he must have also been observing me too. Izaya said it quietly, but Shinra caught it. And Shinra made it known very loudly.

“Why is your leg bleeding?!” Shinra’s yelling made Izaya flinch and burry his head behind his arms and legs.

“I got shot. Nothing too bad.” This earned an angry scowl from Shinra.

“I know you are strong, but you are still human Shizuo.” I had no response so he continued, “Let me look at it.” Shinra said, sighing from frustration. He ripped my pants slightly above where the blood was the darkest and ripped some fabric off of the cloth. He took it and tied it tight above where the bullet had entered then pressed another piece down on my wound, making me hiss in pain. “Hold pressure on that.”

“Is Shizuo okay?” Izaya’s muffled voice came from behind me.

“Yes, he came to me a year or two ago with a bullet wound much worse than this one. He recovered from that just fine.” Shinra answered, sounding a little like a mother. The van turned and then came to a stop.

“Shizuo, I don’t want you carrying Izaya with your leg but I doubt he’ll let anyone else carry him. So, I will go find my bolt cutters.” Shinra slid the door open and hopped out of the van.

“Guys, I think it would be best if we didn’t stay since Izaya isn’t himself. Namie, if you don’t want to stay, we can give you a ride home.” Kadota spoke up from the front to break the silence.

“I won’t stay, I’ll just let Shinra call me when Izaya is better. A ride would be great, thank you…..Shizuo, can you hand me your earpiece?”

“Yeah, I had forgot about it.” I pulled the piece out and handed it to her. Shinra and Celty came sprinting out of the building. She must have beat us home. Shinra handed the bolt cutters to me.

“Izaya, I’m going to cut the chains off of you. Is that okay?” He pulled his head up and nodded, then unfolded his legs from his chest. I took that as a sign to cut those first. After a few minutes, his hands and legs were free. I stepped out of the van and handed the bolt cutters back to Shinra. I decided to not ask why he had them. Izaya got out behind me after leaving the jackets in the van. He still stayed close to me though. We followed Shinra back inside and took the elevator up to their apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! It helps knowing that there are people that like my story :)

“So, what did they do to Izaya?” Shinra asked as we stepped off of the elevator.

“I don’t know what they did to him before I got there, but he was in a tank of water almost up to his nose. His feet were chained to the bottom and he was held up by his wrists with a chain attached to the ceiling.” I explained. Shinra’s face slowly got darker as I went. 

“Shizuo, I’ll be back with clothes for you and Izaya since you both got wet. Get two towels from my hallway cabinet and a thermometer from the one above the bathroom sink.” I looked at Izaya and he was just staring at a wall and shivering. He should be okay if I’m gone for a second, right? Yet, I still asked, “Izaya, you want to come with me?” This snapped him out of his staring. He just nodded.

I started down the hall, beginning to feel the pain in my leg a little more now. I’m pretty sure I was limping at this point, but I’ve had worse. Izaya followed me down the hall to the towel closet. I took one towel and rubbed his hair with it, before wrapping it the best I could. Then, I took another and did the same to my hair. Izaya followed me into the bathroom as I got the thermometer. Shinra was taking a while, so I turned to Izaya and gently led him to sit down on the toilet. I leaned up against the counter.

“Izaya, what did they do to you?” He just shook his head. Well, I guess Shinra would be able to find out somehow.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see a phone screen. “Shinra is trying to find some bigger clothes for you, but he had me go ahead and bring clothes for Izaya.” Celty stepped through the doorway to the bathroom. Izaya shrank back against the toilet.

“Celty, Izaya won’t let anyone other than me near him. I’ll hand him the clothes.” She handed them over and retreated into the hallway.

“I’ll be waiting right outside the door if you need me.” Izaya nodded and took the clothes. I stepped into the hall and shut the door behind me. I leaned against the wall; in my own world for a moment. When I snapped out of it, Celty was standing there with her phone screen facing me.

“I’ve never seen you be this nice to Izaya before.”

“He’s not like himself right now. I don’t know what they did to him, but he’s acting decent for once. I don’t know why he’s decided that I’m the only one that can be around him though. When I asked him, he said it was because we were the same or something. Plus, I’m the one who got him into this mess, so I’m going to help him recover.” She responded by holding her screen back up.

“I’ll go tell Shinra about Izaya.” Then she went back down the hallway. A minute or two later, the bathroom door opened.

“Shizu-chan, I’m freezing.” The nickname normally would have pissed me off, but not when I saw his face. It seemed to have no color.

“SHINRA!” Like clockwork he came running.

“What happened?!”

“He’s shivering, has no color, and said he was really cold.” My hands were hovering around him, not knowing what to do. But if he fell, I would at least catch him. 

“Celty, please bring a blanket.” Shinra yelled. “Izaya, can I take your temperature? I just want to help you.” He said, quickly changing to a much gentler tone. Izaya just stared.

“Izaya, you can trust Shinra. He’s a doctor who can help you.” Izaya seemed to hesitate for a minute, but eventually nodded. Shinra wasted no time getting the thermometer and sticking it under Izaya’s tongue.

“Don’t think I forgot that you got shot, Shizuo. As soon as I get a measure on how Izaya is, I will pull that bullet out and patch you up. Speaking of, you should sit down, you look a little pale.” He kept glancing down at his watch as he spoke. I followed orders, and sat down in the hallway. Celty came back with a blanket and handed it to Shinra who, in turn, wrapped it around Izaya’s shoulders. Izaya grabbed it and pulled it tighter around himself. Celty had also brought another blanket, which she tossed down to me. I placed it over my legs. Shinra pulled out the thermometer and looked at it.

“Shit, he is close to hypothermia. Celty, get me more blankets quickly.” She looked at me, surrounded my wound in her black cloud and went running down the hall.

“Izaya, can you go sit on the couch for me? I’ll be right behind you with Shizuo.” Shinra asked, sounding more like an order than a question. I held my blanket up toward him, but he just stared at me.

“You need the blanket though.”

“I’ll be fine. I have to get up anyway.” Izaya looked at me for a minute before he nodded and headed toward the living room. Shinra bent down and looped his arm under my right arm.

“What are you doing?” I asked, as he helped me stand.

“You don’t need to continue putting pressure on your leg.” At the end of the hall, Izaya stopped and waited for us to catch up. Celty came back with two extra blankets under one arm. She wrapped the other under my arm and both her and Shinra were helping me walk. I had to admit, it helped more than I will ever voice out loud to them. They sat me down on a separate couch from Izaya. Shinra went over to wrap him in the blankets and Celty left, only to come back with a pillow for me to put my leg up on. Shinra asked her to make some hot chocolate for Izaya so he could ask him some questions. She came back in a few minutes with a mug that Izaya hesitated to take. He looked to me, eyes full of question.

“Izaya, you can trust Celty too. She is just doing what she can to help.” He took the mug from her after my words. After a bit, Shinra took his temperature again. He seemed to be somewhat relieved. Then he came over to me and helped me up.

“Where are you taking Shizuo?” Both of us turned to Izaya, startled.

“Shizuo got shot. I need to get the bullet out of his leg and wrap it up so he can get better.” Shinra explained, sounding more like a mother than he had earlier.

“I go where Shizuo goes!” Shinra looked even more surprised. His face almost made me laugh. Celty took care of the situation by using her black cloud to move the couch, with Izaya still on it, into the patient room. She then lifted me the rest of the way and sat me on the medical bed.

“Izaya, this isn’t going to be pleasant to watch.” Shinra said. Izaya only nodded in response though. Guess that was that. Shinra looked slightly fed up, but he quickly regained his composure and got a box down from a cabinet. He sat it on a table next to the bed I was in and pulled some tool that looked like pliers out. Celty withdrew her black wrap from my leg.

“Here are two squeeze balls. This is going to hurt, even for you. Please try not to break my bed…I would give you anesthesia, but I’ve already waited too long to do this.” Shinra handed me the two stress balls and started disinfecting the pliers and my wound, which burned like hell. It was nothing until he started shoving the pliers into my thigh though. I squeezed the ball in my right hand so hard that it exploded. I felt a hand on my forearm and turned to see Izaya’s arm outstretched. He slid his hand down until it was in mine.

“Don’t. I’ll end up crushing it.” I ground out through gritted teeth.

“Shizu-chan won’t. Just focus on not crushing my hand instead of the pain.” I believe that’s the most he’s talked all evening. Hopefully it meant that he was getting a little better. My thoughts were interrupted when a stab of red- hot pain shot through my leg. My immediate reflex was to kick, but my legs wouldn’t move. I looked down and noticed that Celty had secured my legs with her smoke. It’s a good thing she did, but I don’t know how she had done it without me noticing it. I squeezed all of my pain out on the other ball, making it explode too.

“Shit!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I have the bullet now; just have to pull it out. More pain shot through me and I curled my left fist up, digging my fingernails into my palm. This was enough to keep me only squeezing Izaya’s hand a little. Shinra pulled the tool out of my leg along with the bullet. I made the mistake of looking down at my leg. There was blood all over it and the bed. Shinra washed his hands and changed gloves. He came back over and started stitching me after he wiped the blood off of my leg. After what felt like hours, my leg was stitched up and wrapped. Through the whole ordeal, I had somehow managed to not crush Izaya’s hand. Shinra cleaned off, while Celty lifted me up with her smoke and changed the sheets. Shinra came over and took Izaya’s temperature again.

“Izaya, you are warming up. Won’t be long and you won’t feel cold anymore.” He just nodded and snuggled down into his blankets, taking his hand with him. The absence of his warmth shocked me more than it should have. How long had it been since someone had held my hand? Or touched me at all for that matter?

“Is Shizuo okay?” I heard Izaya ask, but it sounded distant.

“Yes, he just needs rest… you should try to sleep too.” I tried to pay attention, but as Shinra continued speaking the words became unrecognizable and I surrendered to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up to screaming. It was dark, but not pitch black. I could make out Izaya thrashing around on the couch next to my bed.

“Izaya?!” But he just continued thrashing and screaming. I hopped off of the bed, causing pain to shoot through my leg. I didn’t really care at the moment though. When I reached him, I grabbed his shoulders and shook him awake. His arm wrapped around me and it sounded like he was crying. Then the door was flung open and the light was switched on.

“What’s going on?!” Shinra’s panicked voice seemed to echo off of the walls.

“He was screaming and flailing around. I woke him up.” When Shinra walked around the couch, he stopped dead.

“It’s a good thing Erika isn’t here to see this.” He appeared to be hiding a smirk.

“Shinra, this is not the time!” At this, he seemed to have a more difficult time hiding the smirk but he quickly turned serious.

“Izaya, are you okay? Nothing hurts? Was it a nightmare?”

“I’m not in physical pain. It was just a nightmare.” I could tell from his voice that he was still crying. From the look on Shinra’s face, he could too.

“Okay, I’ll leave you two alone then.” This time, he let the smirk show as he shut the door on his way out. A few seconds later, Izaya started crying louder.

“You want to tell me about it?” I felt him shake his head no on my shoulder.

“You sure? It might help.” He just shook his head no again though.

“Not yet.” He mumbled, buried in my shoulder.

“Okay.” And so I sat there hugging the former flea that had been brought down to human status against his will. I let him work through whatever had scared him so badly. After a while, my leg started hurting in my current position so I climbed onto the couch. Izaya eventually fell back asleep.

. . . . 

I woke up to movement. When I opened my eyes, Izaya’s face was in front of mine. Why the hell was I lying next to the flea? Then the memories of what had happened came flooding back; the tank, Izaya latching onto me, and him screaming last night. He looked peaceful now. I didn’t want to disturb him, but I really had to pee. So I slowly untangled myself, trying my best not to wake him. I was getting ready to leave, when I noticed how bright it was in the room. I figured I better pull the curtain closed so the sunlight wouldn’t wake him up.

After I peed, I walked into the kitchen to find Shinra and Celty sitting down. They both looked at me, or I assume Celty was anyway. She was angled in my direction.

“Where’s Izaya?”

“He’s still asleep.”

“He will probably freak out if you aren’t there when he wakes up.”

“I know. I just had to pee really quick… I was also wondering if you might know why Izaya is only okay with me around him?”

“Well… I don’t know anything for certain, but my theory is that you are the first person he saw when he snapped out of it. He could have sent his mind away somewhere while being held captive. It’s like when a baby sees its caregiver. So, Izaya appears to look to you for protection because of that…. You were also the one that got him out of that hell.” Despite the seriousness of the situation, Shinra’s face lit up while explaining this. I guess he really did enjoy his job.

“Well that’s…just…wow. I’m gonna have to think on that and let it sink in. I better get back to the room though.” So Izaya sees me as his protector now? That’s a drastic change from before. I made a pit stop at the bathroom before heading back. I slowly opened the door and closed it back as silently as I could. I went and took my position on the bed and just stared up at the ceiling. It’s my fault he got in this mess and so I will be his protector until he gets better. I laid there thinking until I heard Izaya stir.

“Shizuo?” Izaya’s voice was heavy with lingering sleep.

“Yeah?” I replied, rolling my head to face him.

“Thank you.” I didn’t know what to say to that, so I snapped my head back up, facing the ceiling.

“It’s no problem. I’m going to go tell Shinra that you’re awake. He needs to check you out……. You know, this would go much quicker if you just told me what they did to you.” I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. He sat there looking at the ground.

“You don’t have to, I just thought it would save you trouble from Shinra examining you. He’s gonna have to ask you questions.” I stammered out. From the look on his face, he would rather face Shinra. But after a moment he seemed resigned.

“No, it’s okay. At first they didn’t do anything, just chained me up and left me laying on the floor. Then they beat me. They said they wouldn’t mess with my face because they wanted to see my expression when they put me in the tank.”

“But why a tank? I would think there were easier ways to hold a person captive.”

“Well, I hate being in water. Not rain, but pools and things like that; anything over my head or where I can’t touch the bottom. Shinra told me in the past that I had PTSD from when I was younger. But that is a story for another time.”

“…”

“When they were done beating me and I stopped bleeding so much, they put me in that tank. At first it was without being chained to the ceiling, just my wrists chained together and my feet chained to the floor. They just chained me to the bottom and slowly let it fill up, watching me struggle. When it got to a point where I almost drowned after struggling to stay above water for I don’t know how long, they chained me up from the roof. I was relieved at that point. My energy had been running out and I couldn’t keep myself up anymore, especially with my wrists bound together. All in all, I lost track of time and have no clue how long I was there.” I just sat there, stunned by everything he had just told me. I can’t believe he actually told me all of it, or the fact that they had done that to him either.

“Izaya, do you think they knew about how water freaked you out. Or do you think it was just a coincidence?”

“They had to know. I don’t know how they would have found out though.”

“Well, all I can say is that I’m sorry all of this happened to you. They had you for five days. We should have been able to find you sooner. I should have searched every crack. You had acted strange at the pool and I was stupid and didn’t realize you needed help. It’s my fault that gang got you.”

“No, they took me because I had been a shitty person to them. I sold information away about their leader and their home turf got taken over. I did this to myself. I’m going to stop being an informant. I know that won’t help me from the enemies I already have, but I asked for it with that line of work.” I just stared at him. Stop being an informant? Could five days change a person this much?

“I’m going to get Shinra. I will tell him what they did so you don’t have to relive it again. It will make his examination of you faster though and then you can rest.” He nodded, so I took it as an okay.


	9. Chapter 9

I told Shinra what the gang had done to Izaya. He and Celty just sat there, Shinra staring at his coffee cup. He looked like he was about to shatter it between his palms. I reached down and grabbed it from him.

“Shizuo, what are you doing?” He asked angrily.

“You looked like you were going to break it. Unlike me, that would hurt a lot to you.”

“Sorry, I was just angry. I want to know how they found out about Izaya’s phobia. And to think they took it that far. Enough to make him refuse to do the job he loved before all of this.” Shinra was fuming. If smoke could come out of his head, it would have.

“His fear of being in water over his head?”

“No, he has an extreme fear of drowning. Izaya and I were friends when we were little too, not just in high school. One summer the parents of a friend of ours took us and two other boys to the beach for a weekend. We stayed right on the beachfront. The other boys wanted to swim at night, so we snuck out. It was fun for a while. We stayed close to the shore because Izaya couldn’t swim. The other two boys said they wanted to swim farther out though. They did, and ended up getting caught in a riptide. It took them a while to realize it. They didn’t until they got tired, but couldn’t get any closer to the shore. I left Izaya to stay watching them and ran to wake up our friend’s parents. We were too late though. Izaya had watched them drown, unable to help.” By this point, Shinra was on the verge of tears and Celty was rubbing his back in soothing circles.

“I’m sorry I asked.”

“It’s fine. You should know why Izaya has changed so much since he no longer sees you as an enemy anymore…I’ll go check him for injuries.” He got up and started toward the room, I started to follow but he paused and turned. “You should wait in the living room if Izaya is okay with that.” I nodded and followed Shinra into the living room and took a seat on the remaining couch.

. . . .

After about twenty minutes, Shinra came out and shut the door behind him. He looked grim, but this was a grim situation. I just hope that he can help Izaya recover. He’s known him much longer than I have, after all.

“How is he?” I asked, a little afraid to hear the answer.

“Well, he’s almost a completely different person. He does seem to be okay without you constantly with him now though. He was also much more relaxed around me. We might be able to get him back to his old self over time. Physically, he is cut up and bruised over most of his body. He said one guy had a club with nails in it, so that did quite a bit of damage. I’ll have to monitor him for internal bleeding. He’s back to normal body temperature now. He was in pain, so I gave him some medicine. He’ll probably sleep a while because of it.” I was stuck on his earlier words though. Could we really get Izaya back to his old self? Do I want the old Izaya back, or do I prefer the new Izaya?

“I need to clean and re-wrap your leg. Does it hurt a lot? I can give you some pain medicine too.”

“No, it just feels like a pinch every now and then; nothing too painful.” Shinra nodded and motioned me into the room. Izaya was asleep on the bed, but Shinra had a sheet on the couch so I just laid down there. He unwrapped my leg, poured some liquid on it that burned, wiped it off, and rewrapped it.

“Celty and I are going to head to Russian Sushi and get us all some food. You want anything in particular?” Shinra asked as he was cleaning up.

“Just tell Simon that I want the usual, he will know what I mean.”

. . . . 

There was screaming. Why was there screaming? I opened my eyes and sunlight blinded me. I must have fallen asleep. I had to force my eyes open again, the sunlight causing them to water. I jumped up and looked around. The only other person in the room was Izaya, but he was writhing on the bed. I ran over and shook him awake.

 

“Izaya, it’s just a nightmare. Wake up!” His eyes shot open, but they were glazed over. He was probably still groggy from that medicine Shinra gave him. A moan left his lips and all my thoughts stopped suddenly. Blood rushed south. This was not the time for that! But, Izaya’s hands flew to his side and pain must have pulled him out of his daze.

“Ow, shit!” He half groaned, half hissed.

“What?” By this point I was panicked. I wasn’t a doctor. I didn’t know what to do in these situations.

“My side hurts.” He pulled his hands off and lifted his shirt up. Blood was seeping out of a cut that ran from the top right corner of his ribs to around the middle of his stomach. I ran over to Shinra’s wall of cabinets and started jerking the doors open. Finally, I saw a familiar box that he had got the material he wrapped my leg from. I ripped some off and ran over to Izaya and held it on his cut.

“Calm down, Shizuo. It’s not that deep. I just re-opened it when I was having a nightmare.” I didn’t care how deep it was, it had freaked me out. After I held it down for a few minutes, I made Izaya sit up so I could wrap it.

“Looks like I pulled the IV out of my arm. Can you hand it to me?”

“Yeah, but what good will that do?” I asked, handing it to him. He felt his arm for a minute, and then stabbed it back into his vein.

“What?! How do you even know you got it back where it was supposed to be?”

“I’ve been here a lot. I often rip them out in my sleep. I finally just had Shinra show me how.”

“Why have you been here a lot?” He just looked at me like I was an idiot.

“You hit hard, you know?” My jaw practically dropped.

“I’ve made you have to come to Shinra’s? I didn’t think I ever actually hurt you.”

“Shizu-chan has made me come here quite a few times. Especially that time you hit me directly with that vending machine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I hid it from you because it’s fun to fight with you.” As he continued to speak, it got slower. Shinra must have put the pain meds in the IV. I sat there in silence for a few minutes, processing what Izaya had just told me.

“You know, I love you Shizuo.” My attention had never snapped to something faster in my life. Was he high? Was it the pain medicine making him loopy?


	10. Chapter 10

I sat on that couch thinking about what Izaya had said. I had nothing to do, so I just sat there looking around the room until my eyes fell on Izaya’s face. He looked so peaceful while he was sleeping. Well, when he wasn’t plagued by nightmares. For the first time I noticed how small he was; in height and weight. I guess his personality kept me from noticing before.

Had I really thrown vending machines and swung poles at him before? Why hadn’t I ever noticed how small he was? I mean, sure, he had provoked me; but I had fought him with my full strength. I had had every intent to kill the annoying flea… until recently. Why must I always lose my temper and hurt people? Images flashed through my mind from the warehouse. I had taken down almost every gang member in that place. They did horrible things to Izaya, but I still caused a lot of violence. I just lost control over myself when I saw him in that tank.

I heard the sound of the front door clicking open. Looks like Shinra and Celty were back. Should I tell Shinra what Izaya said? Nah, that would be weird. I can help them get the food out though. I walked out and saw both of them carrying armfuls of food.

“Why do you have so much food?!”

“You guys will be here longer than a couple of meals. Technically you could go back home, but I don’t think Izaya would be okay with that…. I ran into Tom by the way. I told him you were recovering at my house. He seemed surprised.” Shinra said, his words muffled through the mountain of take-out containers. I grabbed half of his and Celty’s loads and sat it in the kitchen. I mentally slapped myself for forgetting to call Tom this morning.

“You have to let me pay for some of this food. And I didn’t tell Tom what I was doing; I just told him I couldn’t be at work yesterday. I forgot to call him with everything that has been going on.”

“He didn’t seem mad. He just asked if you were okay. I just told him you were okay for the most part and that I just needed you for another patient’s recovery.”

“I’ll still have to call him later.” I helped them put today’s dinner portion onto plates. It smelled heavenly. I had forgotten about eating and the smell made hunger hit me hard. “Oh, you might want to lower Izaya’s dose of pain medicine.” I grabbed my food and headed to the bar.

“Why?”

“He was saying some weird stuff after the medicine started kicking in.”

“Well all it does is make you a little loopy. That usually just takes out the censor that normally stops us from saying things we don’t want to. So he isn’t saying nonsense, just stuff he wouldn’t normally let slip…Why? Did he tell you some of his informant information on someone?”

“No. I don’t know what he was going on about. He was out of it.” I rubbed the back of my neck and looked over at the wall, hoping they wouldn’t ask questions.

“Celty, Shizuo is hiding something from us.” He came over and darted around me like a fly.

“I am not!” I could feel the heat in my cheeks and knew I was blushing. I grabbed my food and headed to the patient room. Izaya was still asleep on the bed, so I went over and gently shook him awake.

“Celty and Shinra brought back some food. You need to eat a little bit.” He looked annoyed at being woken up, but he brightened at the mention of food. He reached down and pulled the IV out of his arm. He hopped off of the bed and walked pretty fast out of the room. I guess he was hungry.

He came back in looking disappointed with a tiny amount of fatty tuna. His walk was slow this time and he kind of plopped back onto the bed. He ate the tuna kind of fast, but slowed down by the end. When he was done, he hopped back up, but sat the plate on the bed and held his stomach.

“Hey, you okay?” My voice betrayed me and let my concern show a little too much for my liking.

“My stomach hurts and I could throw up, but that’s probably because I haven’t eaten anything in a while.” He sat back down on the bed. I grabbed a trash can and sat it in front of him. He shook his head, “I finally ate, so I don’t need to throw it back up. I’ll hold it in, don’t worry.”

“Whatever. Don’t worry about your plate, I got it.” I stacked his on top of mine and headed toward the kitchen, pausing in the living room where Shinra was “Shinra, Izaya is trying his best to not throw up.”

“I have medicine that can help.” He jumped up and flew by me in a blur. I never knew Shinra was that fast. After I put the dishes in the sink, I went back in the room to see Izaya hunched farther over. I walked back out. Guess I might as well make some tea. It might settle his stomach some. After the tea started brewing, I spaced out. That is, until I saw a phone screen in front of my face.

“What did you not tell us about what Izaya said while he was loopy?”

“Celty, it was weird.” She typed a minute, and then showed me the phone screen again.

“I won’t tell Shinra.” I just looked at her. Even though she didn’t have a face, I knew she wouldn’t tell him.

“He said that he loved me.” Celty just stood there a minute and then started shaking. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, I was just laughing.” She responded, then she typed for a bit and turned the phone back to me, “I mean, you’ve dealt some serious damage to him before and he still goes where he knows you’ll see him and fight him. It’s his way of getting your attention.” I just stared at her phone and then at where the smoke came out of her neck. I probably stared for a solid minute before she started typing again.

“Don’t you have feelings for him?” I just stared at her again. There was a very pregnant silence while I tried to think of how to respond.

“I don’t know.” I lied. It didn’t feel good to lie to Celty like this. After all, she had helped me out several times and I was quite fond of our conversations. Celty and Tom were like a breath of fresh air in a world of people who made me want to punch them into the ground. Izaya used to be one of those people that I wanted to do that to. But what was he to me now? I at least consider him a friend, but it doesn’t feel the same as with Tom and Celty. Izaya in pain used to make me happy, but he has acted so much like a normal human being lately that now I just want to take his pain away. It’s just something about his eyes after everything that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and let me know what you think of the story :)


	11. Chapter 11

Celty walked away to let me think about it. Did I have feelings for him? I mean, I don’t hate him. I’m not even sure when I stopped hating him. I do know that it was a while ago and not recently though. The sound of the kettle hissing snapped me out of my thoughts. I must have spaced out again. I went and took it off of the oven and a few minutes later, the tea was ready. I picked up the cup of tea I had poured out for Izaya and started walking back to the room when a thought brought me to a sudden halt. Don’t people do nice things for those they care about? 

I shook the thoughts out of my head. I need to just focus on helping Izaya get better so I can return to work and my normal life. Now that I had a goal in mind, I opened the door to see Shinra sitting on the couch talking to Izaya. I couldn’t really hear what he was saying, but it was probably just doctor stuff or stories of old times. Izaya was sitting up with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed and he appeared to feel better.

“I made some tea; thought it might help you feel better.” I brought the cup over to Izaya and handed it to him.

“Good thinking Shizuo. Izaya also told me that you patched him up earlier. He showed it to me. It’s not the best, but pretty good considering you aren’t a doctor. I fixed it up a little, but I’m glad you did that earlier.” Shinra acknowledged. I just nodded, not knowing how to respond to that.

“Thanks for the tea.” I looked away from Shinra to Izaya. He looked much better. He was sitting up straighter, had more color, and was even swinging his legs slightly. It was a tad cute, almost a child-like action. Wait, what in the world am I thinking? Izaya was a guy after all. I mean, I had never really liked someone before. So I guess I didn’t really know my sexuality. But still, this was Izaya I was talking about.

“No problem.” I could feel my cheeks heating up.

“Well, I’m going to go to my Celty. Let me know if you start having pain or if you need anything. That goes for both of you.” My cheeks got even warmer at Shizuo’s mention of leaving us alone. I wasn’t like this earlier. The talk with Celty had really messed up my usual thought rhythm apparently. Shinra walked out and I took his spot on the couch. I sat there in silence, suddenly at a loss for words. Izaya sipped his tea silently.

“Are you alright?” Izaya’s voice broke me out of my attempt to think of something to say.

“Yeah, uhum, why?” My voice cracked and I had to clear my throat. It’s like I am a teenager trying to talk to people again.

“Your face is red. Do you think you might have a fever?”

“No, I am fine. It’s just a little warm in here.”

“Sounds like a fever talking.” Izaya sounded almost motherly and I looked up to see him hiding a smile. I don’t think I have ever seen Izaya have a legitimate smile before. The only smile I have seen of his is his trademark evil smirk. A genuine smile did him good. It made him look younger and as if he glowed slightly. It was charming, really. Even more heat rushed to my face and I was forced to look down in hopes he couldn’t tell.

“No, it was a comfortable temperature in the kitchen and living room. It’s just warmer in here.”

“That is weird, but whatever Shizuo. If you don’t want Shinra to make sure you don’t have a fever, then I won’t tell him. I will however….” And then his hand was on my chin, bringing my head up so his other hand could have access to my forehead. He left it there for a minute before pulling it away. I swear, I don’t even know when he got up. I must be getting a little rusty.

“You feel fine but your face is even more red than it was a minute ago.”

“Heh, see…I’m fine.” He probably saw right through my attempt at a believable smile.

….

The remainder of the evening was extremely awkward between Izaya and I. That was mostly my fault. I had been lost in my head and spaced out. When Izaya would say something I would have to get him to repeat it and then I ended up just giving a half assed response. I couldn’t figure it out. Izaya didn’t feel the same as Celty or Tom. So, he wasn’t a friend. Maybe it’s where I wasn’t 100% positive he wouldn’t go back to how he was. Yet, I still wanted to trust him. Part of me wanted to protect him even though I knew the flea – no, Izaya could hold his own or escape. The only reason he hadn’t before was because I was stupid and walked away when he was visibly shaken. Those bastards had used his fear against him. That was the only reason. But what if someone used that against him again? I don’t know what I…

“Shizuo!” My head snapped up. Izaya was looking at me with a worried expression.

“What?”

“You are crushing the arm of the couch. I said your name three times before you heard me.” I became aware of the pressure of my hand and released my muscles.

“Oh…. Sorry.”

“I don’t care, but Shinra sure might. You okay?” Izaya hopped off the bed and started walking my way. I panicked. I wasn’t ready to talk to him without having sorted myself out.

“Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking and got lost in thought again.” I sped through the words, trying to get him to stop his advance. I changed the subject before he could inquire what I was thinking, “What did Shinra say earlier?”

“Oh….he was just talking about my getting nauseous. He thought it was where I hadn’t eaten in a while too. He said that it didn’t seem like I had any internal bleeding. We would know by now if I did.” He said all this nonchalantly, but the look he gave me proved that he realized I had changed the subject. Guess I should have figured he of all people would notice. He had sat down on the other end of the couch while talking and I suddenly felt that it was way too close for comfort at the moment.

“I’m glad you are okay…..We should go to bed.” Way to go Shizuo. Not awkward at all. When I looked over at Izaya, He looked hurt. Pain stabbed my heart. I can’t believe I just made him feel bad. I just don’t know how to act right now. Izaya got up and flipped off the light and shuffled in the dark to the bed.

….

I laid there trying to sleep for what felt like ages. I had suggested we go to bed, but I just did it to have an excuse to end the interactions with Izaya. I wasn’t even sleepy and my thoughts were running out of control too much for me to sleep even if I was sleepy. After a while of my going around and around with myself though, I got tired and just wanted to be able to sleep. I rolled over on the couch with a frustrated sigh.

“Shizuo?” I thought about pretending to be asleep, but there was no point. I wasn’t going to sleep soon anyway, might as well talk.

“Yeah?”

“Just checking if you were awake…. Can’t sleep either?” His tired reply came. I worried for him. He hadn’t healed completely and sleep would help with that.

“No, I can’t. Why can’t you sleep? You sound tired enough to.” There was a pause. I couldn’t see his face or his reaction. The silence stretched on for so long that I began to think he fell asleep. I was about to accept my fate of lying there until sleep would take me when Izaya spoke up.

“Do you hate me?” That straight up floored me. Why on earth would he think that?

“No….. Why?”

“Well, you have been really distant this evening. You have barely responded to me when I tried to start conversations.”

“I don’t hate you, I’ve just been thinking.”

“About what?” And I could hear the worry. He didn’t sound convinced at all. I didn’t know what to say.

“Earlier, after Shinra had gave you some medicine, you said you loved me while you were out of it.” Wait… Had I really just said that? Shit. Izaya burst out laughing.

“I say all kinds of crazy stuff when I am loopy. One time I told Shinra that Namie was the best assistant.”

“Shinra said that it just loosened your lips, but that it didn’t make you say stuff you didn’t mean.” Izaya went still and you could probably hear a pen drop in the room. We both laid there in silence for what felt like solid minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. “I think I love you too”.

I don’t know why I had said the last part. Of all the things I could have said, that was probably the worst. Izaya gave no response. I listened for a sound from him, anything. Nothing came but his breathing, which sounded steady. I guess he fell asleep. It’s probably a good thing he had, too.

 

….

Okay, I admit it. I, the once great Izaya Orihara, panicked. I didn’t know what to say, so what else was I to do but feign sleep. I used to be able to play anything off like nothing with a witty response, but now I don’t know. I mean, how was I supposed to respond to what Shizuo had said? Sure, I felt the same way, but I would never tell him that. At least, not when I was fully in my right mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the reviews!! I love hearing from you :)
> 
> I'm sorry I was a little late posting this chapter. I normally try to post on Sundays or earlier, but I completely forgot yesterday with everything going on.
> 
> I got some ideas recently and may continue this story past where I had originally planned. I don't know if my ideas are enough to go off of right now. I don't know yet if I will continue this one, make a sequel, or just end it where I had originally planned.

The next morning, Izaya acted like nothing had happened last night. So, I guess he didn’t hear what I said after all. 

….

After another day sitting around at Shinra’s, he decided we needed to get some fresh air. Shinra wanted me to go around Ikebukuro with Izaya, but during the day and sticking to populated areas. I needed to get back to my job though.

“Shinra, I need to get back to my job. Can’t I work and go walk around in the evening?”

“No, you need to go in the middle of the day when it won’t be getting dark. You could run into a gang. I am already going to have Celty tail you.”

“Okay, but this is the last day I take off from work. I am letting Tom down… If you want Izaya to get out after today, then he will have to tag along with me and Tom.”

“Can’t I just stay here? I don’t see why I have to go out.” Izaya butted in from the doorway of the patient room.

“You need to get re-accustomed to being around people you don’t know. Especially when it is a more crowded place like on the sidewalks of Ikebukuro.” Shinra explained, matter of factly.

“Can’t I tag along with Shizuo and Tom first? You know, as kind of an adjustment step. Since it would only be one new person instead of walking around an entire city.”

“My job gets dangerous sometimes, Izaya. I know you can fight but you are still healing.”

“Shizuo is right, Izaya.” At this rate, Izaya and I might as well just call Shinra our mother.

“Shizuo, you are still injured too. You don’t feel pain as much as the rest of us, but you still haven’t healed completely.”

“Well Shizuo, he’s got me there.” Shinra chimed in, looking like an expectant puppy the way his head would swing from Izaya to me. Sometimes I want to shove a sock in his mouth.

“Two mostly healed people are better than one if you insist on going back to work.” Izaya added.

“Well it’s settled then!” Shinra exclaimed.

“Wait a minute. Even though I will do what Shinra thinks is best, I still think this is stupid. And the decision is ultimately up to Tom. Which would mean that I have to tell him everything that has happened.” I argued. I honestly don’t know what had gotten into Shinra and Izaya all of the sudden.

“That’s fine. If you trust Tom, then I trust Tom.” Yet another surprising sentence from Izaya. I’m still not fully used to him being civil. 

“Alright, I’ll call him and ask if he is okay with you coming.” Izaya’s face looked relieved. I guess he really didn’t feel up to being around people yet. In my opinion, he should be able to take another day or two before he faces people. Especially in a city full of gangs that hate him and could attack. Shinra took that as a sign to leave the room so I could call. Izaya had backed back into the patient room. I guess that meant I should just go ahead and call him now. I fished around in my pocket until I felt the cold metal of the phone and pulled it out. I held it in my palm for a minute, feeling the solid weight of my phone. It felt like it had been quite a while since I had talked to anyone other than Shinra, Izaya, or Celty. In reality it had just been two days, but the events had made it seem so much longer. I flipped the phone open and dialed Tom’s number, kind of excited to talk to him again.

“Hello.”

“Hi, figured I should check in.”

“Oh, Shizuo, hey. Everything okay?” Worry edging into his voice. I guess I should have called and let him know something sooner.

“Yeah, I’m ready to come back to work… I was also wondering if Izaya could tag along?”

“The same Izaya you always end up fighting?”

“Heh, yeah. You could say that he’s… changed.”

“Shizuo, what’s going on? Why have you been recovering at Shinra’s?”

“It’s kind of a long story…”

“I have time.”

“Um, well… I’m not sure where to start really.”

“Just try to explain and I’ll clear up anything you miss”

“Uh…. okay… I got in a fight with Izaya that day I ran off when we were coming back from work.”

“Yeah, I remember you ran off.”

“Yeah…After our fight a gang ended up grabbing him. They had him a few days and tortured him. The gang contacted Izaya’s assistant saying that they wanted to fight me. I had planned to help rescue him since it was my fault he got taken. This is why I had to take that call at work and take off the next day. Anyway…I fought the gang members and got Izaya out. I got shot in the process though, so I’ve been recovering at Shinra’s with Izaya.”

“Are you sure you are ready to come back to work then? And that we can trust Izaya?”

“Yeah, Shinra patched me up and I heal quickly. It doesn’t even hurt much anymore. As for Izaya, like I said, he has changed. He decided to stop being an informant, so you wouldn’t have to worry about client info…. Shinra wants to adjust him back to being around people. Izaya doesn’t really trust anyone other than me and, I think, Shinra and Celty right now.”

“Well, if you feel good enough to come back, you can. I will trust your judgment on Izaya.”

“Want to get back into the groove today? With Izaya tagging along?”

“Yeah, that’s fine with me. Meet at 11 at the usual coffee shop?”

“Yeah, that works. Thanks Tom, see you then.” I flipped the phone shut and slid it back into my pocket as I made my way to the patient room. When I walked in, Izaya looked up from the bed expectantly.

“Tom said he was okay with you tagging along today.” Again, Izaya looked relieved. When I looked up after I took a seat on the couch however, he looked worried. He even had his hands clasped in his lap. “What’s wrong?”

“…I don’t really want to go out and risk a gang seeing me.”

“It’ll be okay. If they do, I will be there. I won’t let them get you. And Tom is a pretty capable man too.”

“Okay.”

“Tom wants us to meet him at a coffee shop at 11. It’s about a ten-minute walk from here.”

. . . . 

Izaya and I walking down the street was an odd experience. I mean, I know I had had a lot of odd experiences recently, but this was really the icing on the cake. Most people, even the people in the areas surrounding Ikebukuro, had heard of my and Izaya’s fights. Yet, here we were, walking down the street together. We got stares from people that I assumed knew of who we are. The craziest thing though was that Izaya actually seemed scared for once. I now know he was scared at the pool, but it is different now that I am actually aware of him being scared in the moment. He was walking pretty close to me and kept darting his eyes around.

A chill was in the air. Winter seemed to be showing up out of nowhere. Despite the chill that signaled its arrival soon, the day was still nice and felt relatively comfortable. The fresh air did actually feel good after being in Shinra’s apartment for what felt like weeks. The sun was hidden behind clouds, which was probably a good thing where we had both been indoors for a while. I still had my sunglasses on though. I glanced over at Izaya who was wearing his usual coat with fur trim. He seemed to be squinting a little bit. Another breeze blew down the street and he pulled his coat tighter around his small body.

“You okay Izaya?” I asked, watching him shiver slightly.

“Yeah.”

“Really? Because you are shivering.” That seemed to make him pause.

“I’m fine, just get cold easily. I’m not a fan of winter.”

“It’s not winter though.” Izaya looked at me like I was stupid. I just looked back at him the same way.

“No, but you can feel that it is coming in the air. It’s not that cold until the wind blows.”

“Yeah, I can feel it on the wind. The coffee shop is right around this corner, so we will be inside soon” I said, as we turned that exact corner. Izaya stared up at the sign.

“Cozy corner café? Really?”

“I know it’s kind of a weird name, but they have great food and drinks.” I said, motioning him in. He seemed reluctant to enter first though. I sighed, moving in front of him. He followed. This really was strange. Actually, more than strange. It was like we had entered the twilight zone. Once inside, I heard his steps pause. I looked back at him and he seemed to be scanning the faces of everyone inside. When I turned back around I noticed people staring and whispering. Great. 

In the back corner, near the window to the street, Tom was motioning to get my attention. I let Izaya take the window seat since he seemed even more on edge now. Maybe if he had seen someone who disliked him and they wanted to do something, they would think twice if I was sitting on the outside of him. Plus, I figure being next to the window might calm him some. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Tom, only to see him staring back and forth between us. Izaya was beginning to fidget uncomfortably next to me.

“Well Shizuo, I had a hard time believing you were actually okay with Izaya now, but here you both are. And you aren’t trying to kill him.” Tom said with a nervous chuckle, starting the conversation to relieve the awkward air that had begun to settle over the table.

“Yeah. A lot has happened.” I replied, glancing over at Izaya. He was just staring at his lap again.

“I’d say so…. The waiter came by for my order. I told him two more were coming so he said he would come back when you guys got here.”

“Oh, thanks Tom.” I opened the menu that had been placed there in the anticipation of our arrival. Izaya reached into his pocket and then just sat there.

“Aren’t you getting anything Izaya?”

“I’m not really hungry.” He said as he looked out the window.

“But you need to eat so you can get better. And today will be a long day.” Izaya’s stomach growled, betraying him. “I thought you weren’t hungry?”

“I may have forgotten my wallet at Shinra’s.” Izaya said in a low voice.

“I can spot you. You need to eat. Just pay me back when we get back to Shinra’s.” I said, laughing. Izaya’s head turned toward me and he just stared, wide eyed. “What? As if I would let you not eat when you are hungry and need to heal.” 

“Thank you.” I could have sworn that Izaya’s cheeks got a hint of pink on them. I must have been imagining things though.

The waiter came back and took our orders. We all ate in a comfortable silence other than the occasional small talk by Tom. When we were done I paid for Izaya’s food, he thanked me again, and we headed back out into the street. Izaya walked close to me like he had before the coffee shop. He was apparently still on edge. Of course, I couldn’t blame him. Tom started briefing me on the clients we had to go to today.

. . .

The first few clients went by smoother than they usually do. I only had to punch the wall at one man’s place. That is about as violent as I had to get today. The last client however, was making up for all the trouble avoided from the others. First, he wouldn’t answer his door. But then we hear him moving around inside and a light was on. We kept banging on the door until he finally opened it with a safety chain on. Tom talked to him for a few minutes and he insisted he didn’t have the money like they always do. Tom told him that he had already been given too many extensions. His response to this was to shove a knife out of the crack of the door. Luckily, Tom saw it coming and dodged.

I took this as an incentive to kick the door in and beat the living shit out of this guy. The door hit him as it broke inward. He crawled out from under it and charged me with the knife. I grabbed his knife arm, but he kicked me in the crotch and ducked by me to run out the door when my grip loosened. I muttered some select words under my breathe and turned around to bash his ever loving head in. I emerged from the broken doorway to see the scum approaching Izaya, who had blocked the path toward the stairs the guy must have ran toward. Before I could take another step, the guy lunged at a dazed looking Izaya.

“Izaya!!” I snapped him out of whatever trance he was in. It looked like he faltered for a second before his instincts took over. He appeared to be like the old Izaya for a few seconds, which made me stop in my tracks. He had dodged to the side and whipped his knife out of his pocket, swinging it in the same motion. The other guy managed to only get himself nicked as he ran by. Izaya jumped onto the railing and down to the bottom of the stairs as I started chasing after him once again. Izaya stopped him at the bottom of the stairs as I came up from behind him and grabbed the knife out of the guy’s hand and threw it behind Izaya. Then I kicked the man’s legs out from under him and dragged him up the stairs by his collar. Once back inside the apartment, I pinned him up against a wall. He struggled to get out of my grip but stopped once he realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere.

“Fine, let me go and I’ll get the money.” I did let him go. He headed toward his bedroom and emerged a few minutes later with money. When he was handing it to me though, he whipped out a knife from his other hand and slashed my arm.

“YOU CUT MY SHIRT! MY BROTHER GOT ME THIS, YOU BASTARD!!” I took his face and slammed it into the nearest wall, took the money from his hand, and stormed out to Tom and Izaya.

“What the hell happened?!” Tom asked when he saw the blood and the money.

“Bastard cut me. I got the money though.” I said as I handed it to Tom. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Izaya was motioning to hand me the knife.

“Keep it. You can use it better than I can. Didn’t know you could still fight.” I joked. Although here recently I didn’t know if he would still fight or if he would freeze in a bad situation. It’s good to see he isn’t damaged that bad. 

“Yeah, I’m not useless. May have overdone it by jumping off the railing and down a story though.” He responded in an equally joking tone. Tom and I still looked at him in concern though.

“Are you okay?” I leaned relatively close and placed my hand on his back. Tom was walking ahead of us.

“Yeah, just landed a little harder than usual. Made it work though.” Izaya looked away and I removed my hand. I don’t know why I even placed it on his back anyway. I probably just freaked him out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry it has been this long. Midterms have been kicking my butt, my grandma has been to the ER I don't know how many times now, my mental state has crashed, etc. Trust me when I say you will hate group projects when you are in college. Yeah, I know, life story yada yada. Anyway, life throws things at you and you just have to roll with them. I am still extremely sorry that this is being uploaded so late though.
> 
> Thank you for all the new reviews. I love reading them! Please keep it up :)
> 
> There is only one more chapter after this one, so we are nearing the end. And I promise I will upload that chapter so you guys can have closure to the story.
> 
> SONELiA, I hadn't thought about why Shinra would have to bolt cutters, but I believe your theory would be exactly why.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

We got back in Shinra’s apartment that evening and he greeted us both with hugs as if we had been gone for ages. When he pulled back he started into a fit though because he saw my arm.

“Can’t you go more than a week without getting hurt?”

“This is nothing, just a small scratch. I patch these kinds of cuts up all the time.”

“Well you aren’t this time. I’m going to check both of your wounds and make sure you didn’t screw anything up today.”

. . . .

“You opened up a few stitches on your bullet wound. It was bleeding a little bit. You didn’t notice?”

“No, it didn’t hurt.” 

Shinra just looked at me and shook his head. “I wish I had your pain tolerance, I really do.”

“Was Izaya okay? He said he had over done it a little jumping around earlier.” This just made Shinra look at me again.

“He didn’t say anything to me about that. He looked fine. What did he do?”

“He jumped off of a railing on the second floor to the ground.”

“What?!” Shinra all but screamed.

“He jumped off….” I repeated.

“I heard what you said. You two don’t know how to tone it down for a bit, do you?”

“Heh, I guess not.”

. . . . 

The next morning, Shinra didn’t cut either of us any slack. As soon as we trudged into the kitchen for breakfast, he swooped down on us.

“So are you both ready for a day on the town?” He asked, so excited that he seemed to have a slight bounce in his movements.

“Not really.” Izaya mumbled from behind me. I chose to stay silent. 

“Why?” Shinra seemed genuinely confused.

“Oh, I don’t know… maybe because there will be a lot of people and within those people there could be someone who hates me and wants to repeat what happened a few days ago.” Some of Izaya’s old sarcasm dripped through his words.

“Oh, well we have that covered. After all, Shizuo will be with you and I will have Celty follow you.”

“Yeah, somehow that still doesn’t make me feel better.” Izaya had tucked his hands into his pockets and was staring intently at the floor; making him look like a teenager trying to challenge a parent.

“Well that’s just being irrational.” Shinra snapped back. I guess he was going the tough love route to force Izaya into recovery.

“So you are still making us do this?” Izaya snapped his head up to look at Shinra, fire in his eyes.

“Yep. Now eat and go have some fun.” Shinra waved his hands in a dismissal.

“I’ll call Tom and let him know.” I said, and excused myself from the bickering. If looks could kill, Izaya would have roasted Shinra alive with his gaze.

….

After we ate breakfast, we were ushered out the door by a very enthusiastic Shinra. Celty followed behind us almost reluctantly. Once we were out the door, Celty typed on her phone for a moment before holding it up for both of us to see.

“Sorry about him. He seemed very convinced this morning that being surrounded by people would be a good way to help. He is a good doctor, but I don’t know how he is with treating psychological matters. Just try to take it as easy as you need to. I know it will probably be hard.” Izaya nodded and seemed to take a deep breath. Then, we headed to Ikebukuro together as a trio. Celty and I caught up a little bit along the way. I guess we hadn’t had much chance to with all the recent craziness. Once we got into the city however, Celty excused herself and held back a bit so she could watch over us.

“So, what do you want to do today?”

“I’m not really sure, to be honest. I was hoping Shinra would forget about this idea.” Izaya seemed to huff out all the air in his lungs.

“Yeah, he has been pretty persistent about it. Anything you can think of that might be easier than walking the streets?”

“Maybe watching a movie? That would buy time until lunch. Then we can figure out what to do after that during lunch.”

“Sounds good to me. What do you want to watch?”

“The new Star Wars movie is out right now, if you would like that?” I looked over at him just in time to see his eyes light up. I honestly didn’t know much about the Star Wars movies, but I felt like watching something he actually cared about would help him relax.

“I haven’t seen any of the Star Wars movies.”

“You need to start!”

“Okay, haha. Can I watch this one without spoiling the series?”

“Yeah, this one takes place between two movies and doesn’t spoil much from what I’ve heard. I can explain anything you don’t understand.” He didn’t give me any more room to ask questions. Instead, he grabbed my arm and practically dragged me into the theater.

….

“That was amazing! I need to watch the other movies.” I was genuinely surprised. I had heard from some people that the movies were boring. But, I guess everyone has different definitions of boring.

“Yeah, you do. I have them if you want to watch them sometime.” I turned my attention to Izaya and he was smiling again. I’m glad that he could do such a drastic 360 after dreading this day so much.

“I never would have pegged you for a Star Wars person.”

“People surprise you sometimes. That’s the first rule of being an informant. But, after you do it for a while people’s actions become predictable. Except for you. I could never really predict what you were going to do. You are full of surprises, Shizuo.”

“I don’t think I’m that surprising, really.”

“Whatever you say…. Where do you want to eat?”

“I would say Russian Sushi, but we’ve been eating that for the past two days.”

“Yeah….”

“Actually, I know a good place nearby. You okay with ramen?”

“Yeah.”

….

“Their pork cutlet bowl was the best.” Izaya looked extremely satisfied and a little more comfortable around people when we were walking out of the restaurant.

“Their pork cutlet bowl is my favorite. I get it every time I go there. And this place isn’t that expensive.” 

We started walking down the street. I’m not even sure where we are going, but I just want Izaya to enjoy the moment for a bit. As we walked farther away though, he seemed to remember that we were surrounded by people and we fell into silence. His eyes went back to darting around and he walked closer to me. I could feel his arm brush mine with every step. For a moment, I had the urge to grab his hand. Purely as reassurance, of course. That would only attract attention to us though. I shouldn’t want to hold his hand in the first place anyway. “Where do you want to go?”

“I-I guess we could shop a little. We don’t have much time before we need to head back.” His stammer caught me off guard and I whipped my head over to look at him. We were in the middle of a huge crosswalk and he was making a point of not looking at me. To be fair, he wasn’t looking at anyone really. Other than that, he seemed fine. I continued on until his hands caught my attention. They were shaking slightly. When we reached the end of the crosswalk, I pulled him over to the wall of the first building I saw.

“You okay?” I placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned as close to him as I could. I tried to speak quietly, but loud enough to be heard over the crowd.

“Yeah, just give me a minute. We should go into a store and get away from the people out here.” I backed up to check the sign of the building we were against and it was a bank, but two doors down was what looked to be a clothing store. 

“There is one right here.” I pointed in that direction and took a step away. Izaya pushed off of the wall fast and fell into step right next to me. He seemed even closer to me now than before. His hand kept tickling mine as we walked. I shook my head. Now isn’t the time to be thinking about this. 

When we reached the store, he hurried past me and through the door. He went to a clothing rack and seemed to be mechanically filing through the clothes. I walked up to him and leaned in close again, trying to make it look like a casual conversation.

“What’s wrong?” He looked up at me really fast, his eyes darting around my face, before looking away again. In that instant I saw terror written all over his face.

“I do this sometimes but usually it’s when I am near water.” His voice was quiet, small. It shocked me, and for a minute I had to look around to make sure it wasn’t someone else that had said the words.

“What do you mean by ‘this’?” I asked, worry coming into my voice.

“It’s a panic attack, Shizuo. It’s when you are overcome with fear and it becomes really hard to focus on something or do anything until it’s over.” His hands gripped a fuzzy shirt as he spoke. He looked to be holding onto it for dear life.

“Oh….is there anything we can do that will help?”

“If I could get away from people, that would be great.” I looked around the store. It wasn’t as full as it could have been, but is wasn’t empty either. Then, I spotted a bathroom in the back.

“Would a bathroom help?” I asked him. He looked up and followed my eyes to the restroom sign in the back. Before I knew what was happening, he bolted in that direction. I followed, but then hesitated, not knowing if he wanted me with him or not. I decided I should ask though, so I followed him through the door. There didn’t seem to be anyone in there, as all the stall doors were open. Izaya was at a sink running water over his hands before wiping his face and then repeating the process.

“Um….. Do you want me in here with you or do you want to be left alone?”

“I would appreciate it if you stayed.” I just nodded and then stood there watching him wash his face. A moment or two passed before I realized that Izaya had started to cry. My feet carried me to him before my brain caught up. Once it did though, it didn’t make a difference. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to my chest. He was shaking but I wasn’t sure if that was because of the crying or his panic attack.

“It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you again. I am with you. You are also the best person I know when it comes to fighting with knives and parkour. Celty is outside backing us up. If someone attacks us, they will have hell to pay.”

“I don’t trust in you or Celty though. I’ve always sold people out being an informant. You guys have no reason to help me. If I was you, I wouldn’t trust me. I mean, I’ve never given you a reason to trust me. I have literally no one that cares about me. That’s why a gang captured me in the first place.”

“Izaya, you don’t want to be an informant anymore. Sure, you used to be a horrible person, I’m not going to lie. But, everything points to you being a different person now. People can change. And if you stick to the change, I’m sure you will gain friends.” We both stood there for a few minutes in silence. Izaya calmed down slowly. “You know, despite everything you have done to Shinra and Celty, they still consider you their friend. I went to their house after my fight with you and they were both angry at me for leaving you like that. They were really worried about you, Izaya.”

“Well I don’t deserve their worry or their friendship.”

“Then prove that you deserve it.” At this, Izaya just looked up at me with shocked eyes.

“I will.” He nodded as he said it. “Let’s get back to Shinra’s.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is how I could describe the panic attack based on my personal experiences. Everyone experiences them differently though. I just hope I represented it well enough for those suffering from anxiety or just panic attacks in general.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....This is the last chapter. I know it took me a long time to post, but I couldn't decide if I wanted to end the story here or continue. I still may add to it later or write a sequel, but for now this is the end.
> 
> I'm kinda sad now that this is finished, but I had fun. I hope to get another story idea soon and get back in the game again. I'm currently working on some Voltron Legendary Defender one shots. They won't be long stories, but they will keep me going until the next one. So, if you guys like voltron, check those out. I should have the first one uploaded in a week or two. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!!

We walked back into Shinra’s apartment, followed by Celty. The walk back had been pretty silent. I figured I would let Izaya calm down and think about everything. At one point, Izaya had grabbed my hand in his. I had looked at him, but he just kept looking away. I let him hold my hand, even ran my thumb back and forth in what I hoped was a soothing motion. Before we had walking into the apartment though, he had let go of my hand. The absence of warmth had shocked me. Now that we were back he seemed a little nervous. Shinra hugged Celty almost as soon as she walked through the door and started talking about how much he had missed her.

“Hey Shinra, Celty?” They both turned toward Izaya.

“Yeah?” Shinra spoke up so Celty wouldn’t have to type on her phone.

“Thank you for being my friends and helping me after everything I’ve done.” Izaya was looking toward the ground and fiddling with his hands as he spoke.

“Izaya, I’ve known you since we were kids. You are basically my brother. We may fight and disagree, but I’ll always be here for you.” Shinra said this with a smile. All this time Celty was typing on her phone. She held it up for Izaya to see. He smiled as he read it.

“Thanks guys.” He seemed on the verge of tears. “I’m going to head to bed.” Then he walked into the patient room while we all watched his back. I could tell that Shinra was confused. Sure enough, almost as soon as the door closed, Shinra turned to me.

“What the hell? What happened?!” Shinra whispered as he ran up to me.

“Um…..Well…. He had a panic attack?”

“There is no way that is all that happened.”

“While he was having it he started talking about how we shouldn’t trust him and that no one really cared for him and stuff. I told him that he had changed and to prove to us that we could trust him.”

“Huh…..well. I hope he has changed permanently. It sure does make him a lot easier to love.”

“I’m going to head to bed too. It’s been a long day.” Shinra nodded and Celty gave me a little wave. When I walked into the patient room, the lights were on and Izaya was lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

“Were you eavesdropping?”

“Yeah, I guess old habits die hard.” I froze at those words, but shook my head after a minute. He said they were old habits for a reason.

“Relax, I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping. I was thinking about how I am going to make a living now and heard the conversation.” At the end of his sentence, he sighed and it was the sound of intense stress.

“Oh… So, you are serious about not being an informant anymore?”

“Yeah. The only problem is that I don’t know what I am going to do for a job now.”

“Well you just recently decided you weren’t going to be an informant anymore. Give it a little thought and I’m sure you’ll find something.” He looked at me before nodding. I knew he was worried right now, but I had an idea. Tomorrow I am going to ask Tom if he would consider hiring him. After all, he could be good at stopping our run away clients like he did the other day.

….

The next morning, I called Tom to see if I could bring Izaya along again and he didn’t mind. We met up at the usual place. I had told Tom to come to the bathroom when I went too, that I needed to talk to him in person and away from Izaya. So, when I excused myself to go to the bathroom, Tom excused himself too. Once in the bathroom, I turned around to see Tom giving me a concerned look.

“It’s nothing to worry about. I just wanted to ask you something away from Izaya.”

“Yeah, I’m still worried. What is it?” He asked, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“I was wondering if you might consider hiring Izaya? He has decided not to be an informant anymore. But if you aren’t comfortable with hiring him, it’s fine. I’m sure he is smart enough to get plenty of other jobs.”

“Jeez, I thought you were going to tell me you thought Izaya was going back to how he used to be… That’s a relief. I’ll think on that today. You know, see how he does. He did good the other day though.” Tom ended his statement with a smile. We walked back to the table. I wonder If Izaya would want to work for Tom. If Tom decided he would hire him though, Izaya could always refuse the offer.

….

As we walked, Tom explained that we only have three clients today and that it would probably be a short day. The first client was about 6 blocks from the café. When we reached her apartment, Tom knocked and explained that her money was due. She opened the door and motioned for us to come in. In these situations, I am always the one that goes in. It sounded like Izaya was going to follow, but Tom must have stopped him. The woman pulled a box onto the table in front of me and then dashed for the front door. I turned and ran after her. Right before she got there, I saw Izaya’s foot stick out. She, however, failed to see it in time and tripped. I was right behind and hauled her up off the floor and back into her apartment.

“Listen, no more of that. You give me the money or I beat the money out of you.” She stared at me for a moment before reaching into the couch and pulling out money and placing it in my outstretched hand. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”

….

The other two clients went pretty smoothly. We ended up getting done around 2 p.m. We regrouped at the office since Tom had to drop the day’s money off. On our way out I felt his hand on my shoulder and he pulled me aside.

“Tell Izaya that I would be happy to have him work for me. If he wants to.” He said this with a smile. I realized that he almost always said his words with a smile, even when we were dealing with clients that he knew would probably cause trouble. For him to be involved with this business, he was a surprisingly kind and a happy person. “Oh, and he is welcome to start tomorrow.”

“I’ll let him know, thank you.” With that, I left to join back up with Izaya.

“What was that about?”

“Tom wants me to ask you if you want to work with us?” Izaya stopped walking and I had to look back at him. “What? You okay?” I looked around to make sure there were no gangs approaching or anyone coming to attack.

“Yes, I’ll work for him.” A smile split his face and he started laughing. I just looked at him, slightly lost.

“Why did you stop walking?”

“I was surprised, is all. I didn’t expect that from you or Tom.”

“Well, Tom likes the way you work…And we do make a pretty good team.”

“Yeah, I guess we do. Can you imagine if we would have worked together instead of fighting all these years?” My only answer to this was laughter. It was absurd to think of. Yet, here we were. We weren’t fighting. If anything, we were friends. Sometimes I had to wonder if I thought of him as more though. We walked in silence for a while. Izaya seemed to be deep in thought.

“Hey, Shizuo?” He looked up at me through his bangs. It was the cutest thing he had done all day long. My heart skipped a beat in my chest because he actually looked shy for once.

“Yeah?” I had to clear my throat and look away to hide the blush that was creeping up on my cheeks.

“Tom does know that there are gangs that will always be after me, right? And individual people who hate my guts?” I looked over at Izaya and his face was sad again. Never before in my life had I wanted more to cheer him up and just have him be genuinely happy.

“Yeah, he knows. Our agency accepts people from all different backgrounds. I mean, they hired me.”

“Well, these gangs are always going to be following me….” I looked at him again and realized that he believed he would never be free. Then he turned to me with a strange look on his face, “Would you want to work as my bodyguard? I could pay you and it could be like a second job.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. 

“Yeah, I’ll be your bodyguard. Don’t worry about paying me though.” His eyes widened a fraction.

“Would you want to move in with me? As my full-time body guard?” I started laughing again. Izaya did not look amused. He looked like he thought I had gone crazy. As my laughter went on, he looked away and I couldn’t read his face anymore.

“Yeah.” I had stopped laughing long enough to respond, but it threatened to come spilling out again. If that is what he wants to call whatever is going on between us, I’ll accept the title of bodyguard knowing that it means so much more. Maybe we will make sense of our relationship one day. Until then, I will be by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. I'm glad that some of you lovelies out there enjoyed it :)


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